I chose not to write anything about what happened in Bombay. It hurt badly. A whole lot of people lost their lives and sizable number lost their sanity. Psycho-terrorism seems like the latest trend. I don’t see any cause or intention behind it anymore, apart from the morbid fascination of hunting and killing real people. I really have no mollifying words for them who were deeply affected by it. It was tough shit. Hopefully you will move on.

Whenever I am so deeply affected, I try to recount the beautiful moments. If you remember the end of the movie – American Beauty, you will know what I mean. The beauty (for the want of a better word) visits us everyday, it is whether we choose to look at it or turn our faces and look away. You sometimes want to look away as beauty seems too out of place to our eyes at times.

A lot of my friends care a lot for this world. In fact most of you who would be reading this, do. And you are all trying, some in small ways some in big. I admire you all. But do no lose yourself in this change. Stop and look around you. Sometimes we just go numb and fail to see that the world we are trying to make is in some way already there. Don’t wait to enjoy it till everyone becomes the person you want them to be.

For those who are entangled in your daily struggles, I know you guys will sooner or later make it through. You think that when you make it through, you will find happiness. But life can be full of shit. Sorry, if my words are discouraging, but what I am trying to say is that in retrospect you will always cherish these struggles, may be you can add happiness to these memories by looking around and finding this “beauty” that i am talking about.

Sorry, if I am being preachy. Or talking to you like some +ve mental health guru. The Bombay thing spurred me on. I won’t delete it, for what it is worth. You can always ignore it, ignoring anything is not very difficult.

But yes 2008 was about trying to find this “beauty”. Sheesh! am back at it again. I think I should try to tell you more about this beauty and what it means. Or rather where I found it.

Remember Pasqual? We were in Goa earlier this year. it was the last day, some of us had already left for Bombay. Pasqual is a crooner at the Stone House Grill and he says almost all the songs that I love. While this was happening there was small tiff happening and it could have ruined the evening, but it didn’t. At least not for me. The following morning we sat atop chapora fort talking about seinfeld and friends. Lived beauty is very underrated.

Then later in the year when I moved to pune. I was new to the city, and I wasn’t quite enjoying it. I thought to myself, I have to run away from here soon. It was mid summer and yet the city felt cold. But I had consciously selected the life, so I had no one to blame. I was fascinated by small things. Once a girl came and sat on my table in a crowded McDonlads. We sat opposite each other and ate our meals quietly. I don’t think either of us looked at each other. But there was something comforting about it.

I also had great times drinking beer and watching the twenty 20 world cup at a friend’s place. Someone who helped me more than he realizes. Who took me around and helped me select a house. Who gave me homemade food. And whom I piled on for many a evening. Sometimes we can’t see the inherent good in people. And it is this inherent good that takes them from people you know and makes them your friends.

Shashi and me have been friends since Webaroo, and now he is working on a matrimonial search engine – www.bandhan.com. it is a fantastic search engine. And if you are looking to get married or looking to get someone else hitched, this is an almost perfect site to start. Please do spread the word on this.

Sorry! if that seemed like an ad. But that too was a part of this year. It’s beginnings are rooted in 2008 and I hope it rides the storm.

Work seemed to get better with time. At least I wasn’t dying to run away. There are people from various countries working in the same department as I am. The Japanese and Chinese have their influences on me and I enjoy having conversations with them. It’s like the world came knocking on my door. I usually have a Van Gogh painting on my desktop. One day this German translator comes and tells me, it’s nice to know that you like van gogh. That’s the time, I think i made peace with this company.

I visit bombay every other weekend. i usually get to drive the car when i am there. one particular night when i was driving back from bandra to powai. i realized how much i loved the city. and while the hustle-bustle had driven me out, how a calmer sunday bombay is so fascinating. it reminded me of the times i drove around the city with G. Those were happier moments driving around with someone you love. But the realization that came being alone in a relatively inanimate vehicle and driving around an extremely animated city was something worth treasuring. Though I don’t think you will get it, you will need my eyes to see what i see.

Also being away from home made me more appreciative of my mom. Sometimes you need distance to see how amazing people are. I think she has lived a great life and she continues to, and she will continue to. All my thoughts and philosophies are inherited from her (some of them come from my dad too). Of course, I have made some up myself. She is a little bit like the Oracle from Matrix. Says what you need to hear. She takes tutions too. Teaches hindi and marathi to children from 5-15, but i think it is just a pretext and there is something remarkable going on in the backdrop. When these kids are 30, i hope they come back and meet her and show her what they have become, i think it will please her immensely even if she shows she is not bothered. And I am sure most of these kids will, in fact they show their appreciation even now. Both me and my bro have not been probably as appreciative.

I also realize that I am in the midst of people who will eventually save the world. ‘What am I doing amongst them?’ is a question i keep asking myself. May be they are all trying to save me. I don’t think you know whom I am talking about. I don’t think you should know either, even if you are one amongst them. You shouldn’t see things clearly. Clarity blurs vision.

Nano was born this year . She who will drive us all crazy. Imagine to be born in the family of 7 brothers, to be a girl, and to be the youngest. Like Ani says, “someone has already written a poem for her, and someone has already sang for her, she is going to have high expectations from her boyfriend.” I hope life pans out well for her. 2009 will be all about teething, walking, and trying to talk. Sounds like fun.

Sometimes you don’t know, what you want from life. So for life to come and give it to you when you are lost between trying to buy furniture, figure out whether you like your job or not, trying to get a foothold in a new city, hoping to move on, trying to make sense — it’s a little tough to accept the gift. But I am glad I accepted the gift. I am glad I could still catch the beauty. Beauty is elusive most times. Also it is fleeting most times. It is abstract and you can almost never express it. Sometimes though it manifests in forms that are easier to understand and recognize. Also when you point out this beauty to people, they also see it. They don’t believe you when you talk about it, but when they see it, their faith in you is restored. Gifts like these are rare. But there are times when they look at you from across a room of crowded people. Times when they pass you by on streets. Times when they pull your leg and you would gladly not retort.

Sometimes, you make your own gifts and give them to yourself. Sometimes you make it all up. Like calvin gifted himself hobbes. Hope you guys have a fun 2009.

Of course I have not said it all here. But I realize I have said too much.

Godspeed!

We did most things right but we ignored the demons. The demons came back strongly and today we are back in turmoil. We have constantly been manipulated by political parties for THEIR power struggle. What is it about wanting to rule the country that makes them do vicious things? What have they become?

Gandhi failed to see these demons. It was probably his biggest failure. Even Batman of Dark Knight failed to see these demons.

These demons build in a false sense of patriotism within us. This patriotism is sometimes of the country and sometimes of religion. They look into history books and pick out topics and point to us about some gross injustice that has happened ages ago. We can’t then think. Our sanity is lost and we are ready to die or kill. They have been extremely successful over the years.

Every day we build relationships, with friends and people around us. So much of effort goes in making this relationship happy and meaningful. You begin to start accepting the culture differences, in fact even valuing them. The foods they cook, the clothes they wear. The add so much value. But then we forget all that… as soon as an old grave is dug out. We become monsters.

Are we just trying to be politically correct then. Do we still feel that it is ‘Us’ and ‘Them’ and the twain shall never meet? Are we just tolerating each other?

India as a democracy let’s you think and practice what you want to. But why does a rightist philosophy have to mean that we only care about people of our religion? Isn’t Hinduism or Islam in its truest principle as socialist as it can get? Why do the communist parties believe that if we don’t all progress together we must not progress at all. A lazy communist and a religious fanatic are almost in the same league I would say. It’s just a question of which side of the river they are born on.

And yet, today… there are many people amongst us who see these demons. Who fight them everyday. It’s a silent revolution of sorts. Their numbers are not very large and their thoughts and ideas are too simple for people to take seriously. They do not carry flags or have agendas. They do not sport beards or rudrakshs, or even if they do, it does not characterize them. The change they are looking to bring will not happen overnight, it might not happen ever. They may get disillusioned and retract in their shell. They are after all humans. Yes they are humans and they never forget that.

I was talking earlier about ‘Us’ & ‘Them’ thing. A very interesting incident happened to me recently. I was in a rickshaw. And the rickshaw driver was wearing a skull cap, it was easy to say he was muslim. Though there was no way for him to know I was one too. I stirred up a conversation with him and asked him if there was something like the Mohammedali road food extravanza that happens during Ramzan in Pune, during Ramzan. He started telling me about where I would get these things. And then guilelessly he said that there you will find more people like ‘you’ than people like ‘us’. It was fun to talk to another muslim like i was a hindu. We still had great conversation.

I have never been a Hindu or a Muslim in the sense the world views them. But I am both. I am also a socialist. I love the agnostics and even the antheists. Communism has its own charm for me. And it should be noted that being Muslim, I have subscribed to everyone from Adam to Noah to Moses to Jesus to Mohammed. Of course I am an Indian, a Maharashtrian, a Bombaiya, a Punekar. I can go on for days not eating onion, garlic, potato, or killing cockroaches. I am complete believer of peace and non-violence.

I do not believe these are exclusive clubs. For me everyone is ‘Us’ but strangely the way life has played out, most people will categorize me as ‘Them’. Not everyone though.

Here’s something interesting -

From wikipedia – Lennon composed this song by combining three songs he had been working on. When he learned that a teacher at his old primary school was having his students analyse Beatles’ lyrics, he added a verse of nonsense words.

If the teacher comes to me, I will be able to tell him what the song exactly means. Here’s a snippet from the lyrics….

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
…….

I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob.

I immediately thought it was the newspaper guy – he has been giving me newspapers for the last 2 months but hasn’t taken money yet. I haven’t been avoiding or anything – he probably has come around the time when I haven’t been around.

I decided that I should see if anyone else has this marking. Gautam, one of my friends who was over – immediately recommended erasing it. It seemed like some weird shit to him. There are 6 flats on my floor, and only two had the crossed marking.  One more had a tick – like the Nike swoosh. So there is something on for sure. The other crossed mark house is of a muslim. I guess all the muslims on the floor are marked with crosses. I wonder what the tick is about though.

Maybe it is coincidental, but I am planning to check markings on all the floors to see if there is some pattern. I hope there isn’t. It does not do justice to a city, I am beginning to love.

I have half a thot and marking all the houses with crosses – like Marjina did in Alibaba and Chaalis Chor.

Some news: I am between jobs, yes have quit my last job and not joined the new one yet. By next Monday, I will be employed again. Moving cities, seems like a big change – will be leaving behind family and best of friends. But it’s a necessary change, have had too much of Bombay.

Missing my laptop, I wrote my book on it. Now it lies formatted in some corner of the office. It was dying, it’s screen was coming off, it had become awfully slow. I feel like I have lost a sidekick. Will miss you buddy.

I get emotionally attached to gadgets and computers. I had told myself not to with this one, as I was going to give it up one day, also it was an Acer with a Celeron processor – something that I hadn’t really taken a fascination to. But as time went on, and as we had as little choice as jail cell mates, we made our peace. Now I miss the fella. Hope good things happen to you.

My cell phone has been acting up too. It’s a Sony Ericsson k790i, it seems Sony phones aren’t very long lasting. Everyone who has one, complains about it in about 6 months time and gets tired about it in a year. I love this phone though. I don’t want to go for a new one at this moment. I just hope the service center gets it to work again.

Wow I am on a rant of the digital age. But since my guard is down. I might as well tell, will miss a lot of people who stay back in Bombay, and also the Prithvi theatre. Hopefully, I can keep coming back.